These are significant telltale signs.
While there are never any guarantees and one cannot ever know for certain if a romantic relationship will last (since a significant aspect of living is not fully knowing what is going to happen to us as we move along on our journey), there are signs that offer telling insight into whether it’s likely your relationship will go the distance.
Here are a handful of strong signs that your relationship has staying power.
Your partner continually makes plain, via their actions, that you are a top priority in their life. This can be anything, from listening carefully when you speak to being reliable and steadfast, including you within significant aspects of their life, bestowing loving and significant gestures of care on you, going out of their way for you, etc.
You two can and do talk about the tough stuff. Couples who avoid (or, cannot handle) the tough stuff are unlikely to go the distance. The ones who bring it out on the table and dive right in, they showcase a sense of courage and openness with regards to dealing with both the positive and challenging aspects of their relationship, which results in their relationship as more likely to last.
You have each other’s backs. Whether it’s finding a means by which to understand their personal goals and projects, supporting them in a tough moment or situation, to jumping in and helping when they might need it. This includes standing up for them in moments when it may be difficult, as well as, speaking glowingly of them to others when they aren’t around. It means making clear to onlookers and loved ones that this person is a prominent and big love in your life.
You play together. This can be adventuring and going away together, playing board games, trying novel places to eat, exploring new parts of your city (or other cities) together, attempting a challenging physical activity you’ve never done before, heading to an arcade, going out dancing, hosting a game night with friends, you get the idea. Couples who play together, more often stay together.
You have a life and identity outside of your partner. This includes having a few friends of your own, with whom you spend time separate from your partner sometimes. It means having passions, projects, and hobbies that light you up inside and add meaning to your life, apart from your partner. It means having a sense of purpose, your partner aside. When your romantic relationship is your whole life, sense of being, and purpose, this risks suffocating and eventually snuffing it out. Life, interest, and excitement is breathed into relationships when there is a degree of separateness between each of you in some ways.
You continually pursue learning and growth together, both, as a couple and as individuals. People in the relationships which most flourish and stand to last are those who shift and evolve over the months and years together, in wonderful, possibly unexpected, and interesting ways.
There are shared interests and values in the relationship. No, you need not have everything in common. You need not even have a lot in common. You should, though, have some core common interests, as well as, share similar morals and values. Otherwise, there may not be much binding you together over the long term, and extremely differing morals and values can pull you apart with time.
You search for opportunities to, as well as, routinely choose to see your partner with new eyes. When we think we know our partner fully, this creates a sense of dullness in the connection. There is nothing left to discover. Nothing left to hear or learn, we believe, since we already know them fully. What most do not realize or remember is that this is faulty thinking. Even for the closest romantic relationships in which you know one another intimately, you never know someone fully and entirely. This is for two reasons. Because healthy people are ever-evolving and changing, in small ways and significant ones. And, because there are always some aspects to a person which are not shared with others, which are kept only for themselves.
Thus, remember this. You can know your partner deeply, intimately, incredibly well. Though still, you do not know them fully. There are ever new things to discover, learn about, and see in your partner. You must choose, then, to see them with new eyes regularly. To search out the moments in which they have something to teach you, or in which they interest, impress, awe, or surprise you. These moments are always there. You just need to choose to see them. The couples who stand a strong chance of going the distance know and do this.
You listen to each other. Most people are, sadly, not great listeners. Some people are decent listeners sometimes. A few people are great listeners most of the time. The majority of people, though, are subpar at best. The funny thing is that almost everyone thinks they are a good or great listener. This is like the statistic that a high percentage of people think they are excellent drivers when of course, that cannot be true. Same thing with listening. Couples who stay together over the long term turn towards and tune in fully (most of the time) to their partner. They listen to the words (and beyond the words, the feelings and messages) their partner is saying and attempting to get across. They are curious about and care with regards to what their partner has to say.
Even when other aspects of life may compete with priority placed on their relationship, the couples who last do not allow other things to take precedence over their love. Their love and relationship comes first. This will be displayed via behavior in a variety of ways. They make clear though that their love is the most important aspect of their life.
You are both open to flexibility, as well as, are both forgiving. People make mistakes. The people we love most will disappoint or even hurt us (hopefully unintentionally). There will be moments of let down. And, in all intimate relationships, there exist moments and times of anger.
People who know this, who can be flexible, as well as forgiving, are much more likely to go the distance together. To weather the difficult times together and remain in a relationship. There may be times in a relationship when a period of uncertainty exists, or when some distance is needed. That, if both people are able to be flexible, they can emerge through the phase of ambiguity intact, their relationship stronger. Many couples cannot be flexible, open, or forgiving, and so their relationship may unnecessarily end (where others might have pushed through, healed, and gone the distance).
medium.com/@brookemeredith
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