4 min read

Here’s how you can do the same

I tried to get pregnant for over 3 years. I got pregnant when I surrendered.

Since 2014, I’ve tried to find a way to make money writing my own things. Last year I surrendered and found Medium.

I’ve been working on my first novel for a decade. I surrendered and finished it in less than a year.

I can give you a hundred examples. I found the love of my life when I surrendered. I lost weight when I surrendered (well, then I got pregnant, so… we’ll see how that goes).

The point is this: letting go, giving up control, and opening yourself up for possibilities works in your favor. I know because it’s worked for me and I’m nothing special.

“To surrender is to yield to the next stage of our evolution. It is saying, ‘I’m available to what wants to evolve and emerge through me and I’m willing to practice and embody what it takes for it to do so.” — Michael Beckwith

Okay, but how do you surrender?

How do you give up control when everything you’ve achieved, you’ve achieved by controlling things?

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The reason I was great at sales…

When I worked as a telephone sales operator, I had this trick that got me in trouble with my managers but also earned me a nice bonus every month.

Why did it get me in trouble with managers? My trick was the opposite of ABC, which means Always Be Closing and is like the #1 rule in sales.

We were told to never hang up the phone before we either close a deal or we get a “yes” for a follow-up call.

We were told to get e-mails so that we can bombard potential clients later.

We were told to give discounts when possible.

We were told to do whatever we can.

But I didn’t.

By not thinking about what will happen at the end of my discussions with clients, I focused on my discussions with clients.

What I did instead is this: I had a meaningful discussion with people and then advised them to look for other options.

Yup. I did what I could to explain why our product was better than anything else on the market, and how it answers to their needs, but then I hung up the phone.

I asked them if they wanted me to send them an e-mail offer, but if they didn’t, they didn’t.

And I barely ever gave discounts. If anything, I held the price higher and offered upsells.

It worked. Most people either booked on the spot (“Um, yeah, I’ll shop around, but I’ll probably choose you so let’s go ahead. I can cancel that later, right?” “Sure.”) or called back (“Hey, I just talked to you, I’d like to go ahead with your offer.”)

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It works because the concept of giving up the outcome works.

Giving up the outcome is way more powerful than trying to force it because it makes you focus on what matters. By not thinking about what will happen at the end of my discussions with clients, I focused on my discussions with clients. I was in the moment, asking questions, answering questions and listening. Listening even to what they weren’t saying. I offered solutions that matched their needs. I sometimes cracked jokes (often, not very good ones).

A sales conversation is first and foremost a conversation. By putting the pressure on the outcome, it becomes all about the sale, and people, as you probably know, don’t like to be sold to.

It’s the same with everything else.

Making a baby is about loving your partner. It’s about enjoying sex so that you can do it often. It’s also about being a grown-up who can parent themselves before parenting another human being. Now is your chance to perfect that.

Making a baby was also about optimizing the conditions. I had a surgery, for example. I was scared, but my doctor recommended it and I did it.

I didn’t do it thinking “Man, I better get a baby after this!” No, the surgery was just a part of the “sales conversation”. I had to do what I could, so I did it.

But then, I relaxed. If the baby felt like coming, he or she was welcome. If not, I and husband booked a road trip through Europe and I looked into attending a few writers’ conferences.

I couldn’t attend any, though. My son came later that same year.

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Whatever you want, give it up.

I made good money as a freelance writer, but I never had the time or energy to blog. For years, I struggled to figure out a way to give up working with clients so I could only write what I believed in.

Then I accepted that I’ll be working with clients. I accepted that it was my “day job” and that maybe there was a way to write for clients and write for me — it was a matter of a better time and energy management.

Instead of whining, I threw myself into tactics that allowed me to write longer in the day, and to get into flow state easier and more often. I did it because I wanted to be able to write more, but I also started writing better.

Then I found Medium. The main reason I’m relatively successful here is that I gave up the outcome I wanted (never working with clients again) and instead focused on improving my writing. Now, I can almost afford to not work with clients.

Your life is a river. It’ll go where it needs to go, but it’ll go there following its own path. You can’t force it, and most of the time it’s not worth the effort to force it. It’ll give you what you want anyway, you just have to do the work and let go.

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Ask yourself “What if?”

What if your obstacle never goes away? What if what you want doesn’t pan out the way you want it? Does that mean that you’ll never be successful? Or that you’ll never be happy? Or that you’ll never achieve something meaningful?

No. All it means is that things won’t happen exactly the way you want them to happen.

But if you focus on what matters, and if life gives you enough time, your future is bright. Guaranteed.

By Maya Sayvanova – Medium.com