Let’s face it, most of what we know about sex we learned through trial and error, which is excellent because exploration and curiosity is a good thing. But our ignorance can also be a hindrance. Mostly because what we don’t know, or are afraid to admit, can be stressful.
Often we hold ourselves to impossible standards. And sex is no exception. We want to party like rockstars, fuck like pornstars, and ride off into the sunset on a blaze of glory. Sounds like a Hollywood blockbuster, right? But in real life, time is your enemy, gravity ain’t your friend, and your knees are screaming, “sit your ass down before you get put down!”
Being good in bed means accepting the truth. And the truth is, you aren’t as young as you used to be, porn is entertaining but not always realistic, and life can fuck up a wet dream.
Below you’ll find a list of 10 truths that will change the way you have sex if you’re willing to accept them. Are you with me?
1. Size Doesn’t Matter — That Much
What I know for sure is when it comes to pleasure bigger is not always better. And from what I’ve heard from several vulva owners, myself included, girth is more important than length. Pussy owners tend to enjoy the sensation of being filled much better than being poked. Catch my drift?
But you know what’s more important than size? How the penis owner feels about their penis. If you are comfortable and confident about your cock, regardless of length or girth, your partner will dig it too.
Self-confidence is sexy AF, no matter what size your junk is.
2. Vaginas Bounce Back
Vaginas are resilient. They stretch to accommodate and shrink to fit, just like spandex. So don’t worry about it becoming too loose. It’s nearly impossible to stretch a vagina out of shape. The design is genius like that.
So let’s stop making up stories about loosey-goosey vaginas mmmk?
Healthy pussies come in all shapes and sizes.
3. Your Pussy Isn’t Broken, You Just Didn’t Cum
You are not going to cum all the time. You may not cum at all. And it’s all good.
Sexual response varies from person to person. Some bodies are multiorgasmic, and some bodies are not. But orgasms ARE NOT an accurate measure of pleasure. So don’t fake it til’ you make it. Give yourself permission to experience pleasure — no orgasm required.
Relax and enjoy yourself. Give and receive. Feel everything. Pleasure is the point. Do you feel that? Good.
4. Age Weakens Erections
This is an uncomfortable fact.
It would be wonderful if erections were rock hard for the duration of natural-born life. But like all things, erections change over time. They wane in duration and strength. They sometimes become coy and elusive. Then there are times when a penis will surprise you by being unyielding, stiff, and stubbornly rigid.
But the cold hard (pardon the pun) truth is, there is a decrease in sexual responsiveness with advancing age. Which often looks like slower erections that may not reach full rigidity.
A study found that erectile dysfunction is a very real part of the aging process:
Remember, erections are not required for pleasure. So instead of being discouraged — get creative.
5. Soft Penises Ejaculate Too
We have been conditioned to believe that a boner is needed to bust a nut, but it’s just not true. Erection is not required for ejaculation.
In case you’re wondering, erection does impact trajectory. Pelvic muscles are responsible for ejaculation, but they are separate from the erection process. So while a soft penis may not spurt across the room, it can still expel semen.
Like I always say, a soft penis is a functional penis. So if erection isn’t happening, don’t fret. Just switch up your technique and keep it pushing.
6. Penises + Pussies Dry Out
Lube helps to reduce friction, with and without condoms. It helps to prevent tissue damage and tears in the skin. And it intensifies sensations and heightens arousal.
Be generous with lube during solo and partnered sex. Slather it on penises, rub it on the vulva, and all around the anus.
Don’t be shy or stingy with it.
Apply more as needed.
7. Sexual Positions Aren’t For All Body Types
Look, I’m pretty limber for a fat girl, but there are things that my body won’t do. That’s why I’m telling you this, with love and the utmost respect— some positions ain’t for you boo. And that’s okay.
Do you know which position is hot? The comfortable one.
I encourage you to experiment. Get your reverse cowgirl on. If you can ride that thang, ride it! But if your back is screaming, or you feel like you’re suffocating — STOP.
Remember, pleasure is the point. If it hurts in a not-so-good way — switch. Accept the things that your body allows and do more of that.
8. Talking About Sex Makes Sex Better
Some of us are more shy about sex than others. But people who are willing, even when they’re uncomfortable, to talk about sex have better sex lives. Being able to state your needs increases the chance of fulfillment. Even more than that, talking about sex can deepen intimacy, strengthen the connection, and increase pleasure.
It might feel weird at first. Anxiousness and/or embarrassment is normal. Like everything else — practice makes better. The butterflies will go away eventually, and over time you’ll get more comfortable — Pinky promise.
9. You’re Gonna Get Bored
There’s no way around it. Sexual boredom has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself or your partner. It just happens. Us humans are good about falling into routine and habit.
So if things start to get stale, try something new. Increase foreplay. Experiment with different positions. Go toy shopping. Roleplay. Switch up the location. Watch some porn — together. Explore a fantasy.
There will be times when regular sex is just what you need. But when you’ve got a hankering for something else, use your imagination. Check-in with your partner to see if there’s something they’d like to explore.
Mixing it up is always a good idea. ?
10. Desire Can Be Finicky
There will be times when you won’t feel like it. Your partner won’t be in the mood all the time, either. But don’t take it personally.
Waning sexual desire is not always a red flag. Bodies get tired. Minds run out of gas. Bills pile up. Stress gets high. Priorities shift. Life happens. And when it does desire might take a time out.
The important thing is to maintain connection and intimacy, even if sexual desire is absent.
Stay physically connected by holding hands, snuggling on the couch, or spooning in the middle of the night. Increase your emotional intimacy by sharing the details of your day, and actively listening to what your partner has to say. You’d be surprised at how desire responds to the little things that have nothing to do with sex.
Intimacy is a turn on.
Sexuality is not linear. What we like is not static. Our bodies go through metamorphosis. And so we evolve.
We accept the things we cannot change. We change the things we cannot accept. And we take pleasure as often as it comes. ❤
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